We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I looked at my own cervix.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
