Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
