that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
