Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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