I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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