i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
