We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
