i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Did I show you my penis last night?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he high fived his dick after we had sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
