i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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