Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
