Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
