people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I puked a lego.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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