she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
