life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
