my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
