Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
