Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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