I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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