you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So. Much. Porn.
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