the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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