Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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