ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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