i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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