If i come over, it means nothing
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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