I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
