This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
