i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
