im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
