I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
