Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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