I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
