I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
