fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
