i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
