I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
