pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
