I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
