I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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