Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
