in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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