I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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