I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
