Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Four minutes until I can fart!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
