Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
