i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
