i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
