does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
