i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
