Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
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