last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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