Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
