ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
