Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
